you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They took my balls.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
