i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
