This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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