So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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