My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
