did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
