You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
