We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
