i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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