I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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