i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
