Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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