I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
