new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
