I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
