either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
