Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
