Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
