And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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