never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
