i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
