Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
