so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
