did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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