we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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