A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize