this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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