the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize