I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize