i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
