1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
...so i touched it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
