I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
