Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can text with my tongue
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
