I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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