apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
