oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
