So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
