No awkward lesbian experiences without me
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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