did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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