Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
