You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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