marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
