yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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