She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
