I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
