Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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