just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
