and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
