I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My life is pants optional.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
