I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
