I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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