if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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