question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
