i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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