I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
