I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
