I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
