I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
