I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
