So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
