no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
