Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
