when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
