i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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