this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
