dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
